Wednesday, August 22, 2007

New Season TV Premier: "24: The Reality Edition"

In an effort to capture a larger audience, Fox announced today the premier of its newest show, 24: The Reality Edition.

24: TRE melds the drama and tension of 24 with the realism of Survivor.

Starring: You, yes you, as one of three audience participants chosen at random by Roger Ailes.

Setting: Islamofascist terrorists have smuggled into this country three Soviet-era tactical nuclear warheads. Though with a yield of only 100 kilotons–small as such things go–each warhead can nevertheless destroy the downtown core of any American city.

They have chosen your city as one of the three. They will detonate the bombs within 24 hours.

Preface: You've called CTU, Los Angeles for help. They've explained that Jack Bauer is busy, but that Division will send you help.

Division sends over Harry Reid (D-Ritz Carlton), Senate Majority Leader, to help you out. Harry's never operated in the field before, but he's got years of experience doing slimy things. Division hopes he can help.

Your Role: Decide what path this reality show should take, keeping in mind that the terrorists and their bombs are 100% real and that at the end of 24 hours up to three U. S. cities will vaporize, yours amongst them.

Your Choices
(rule: pick only one, then stick with it!):

  • Work with Harry to understand the terrorists and your role in creating their unhappiness. Ask him to negotiate with the terrorists in order to dissuade them from choosing your city.
  • Flee as fast and far upwind as possible, keeping in mind the loss of friends and relatives, job and home that will result from the detonation. Also keep in mind that you don't know which two other cities are at risk and where that fallout may land.
  • Call Dick Cheney, apologize for each bad thought and every nasty joke about him you ever entertained and beg for his help to intercept the terrorists before they kill you. You hope and pray that all the bad things you've ever read about him are true.
  • Call your doctor and ask for a fresh prescription of sleeping pills for immediate delivery. Go back to reading The New York Times.

This is not a test. This is real. Armed terrorists really are coming for you and they're bringing every weapon they can. It's only a question of when the clock stops. Your life and the lives of your family depend on your choice. Good luck.

Welcome, Freepers. While you're here, scroll down the page to review a selection of interesting items.

Ask yourself, which politicians take most seriously the war we're fighting? Is it more likely that you'll die from a terror strike, or global warming?

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