A Little Barnyard Humor

I spent several years in one of the northern tier states, which I came to love and where much of our "ethnic" humor revolved around what we thought of as the unfortunate citizens in the neighboring state to the east.

My wife's home state.

I learned later that their humor was focused on the citizens of the state that is their immediate neighbor to the east, my state being beneath their threshold for notice.

We're going back to visit in a little while and I thought to send this on in advance of our visit.

How do you tell that you're from (her state) (my state)?

You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

You burn your yard rather than mow it.

You think “The Nutcracker” is something you do off the high dive.

The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

You offer to give someone the shirt off your back, and they don’t want it.

You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

You come back from the dump with more than you took.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your grandmother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.

You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

You’ve been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

You go to the stock car races and don’t need a program.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

Your house doesn’t have curtains, but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side.

The biggest city you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.

Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

You’ve used your ironing board as a buffet table.

A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

You’ve used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

H/T and a Thank You to James at Midwest Pundits, who used this list to describe certain residents of his state.

UPDATE: My wife informs me that my attendance at the family gathering is no longer strictly necessary.

UPDATE: For those who live east of the Mississippi, yes, I know there is no humor in this and that this is largely replicative of what you learned about the West in school, but bear with us, ok?